Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
