she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
