I want to walk on stilts...naked
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
