Will you blow on my dice?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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