Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Bring me that man meat
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
