Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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