i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
