Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
