so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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