I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize