I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
