Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
