He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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