guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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