Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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