mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
