im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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