someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
