How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
