Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
