I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
