I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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