i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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