she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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