i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
