I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
