what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
