dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
