Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
