well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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