Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
