listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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