Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
