The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You are a genius and a whore.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
