Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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