If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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