Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
