why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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