You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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