you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
