literally had 100 drinks last night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.