3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
is it fun? or sober?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
