i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!