He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
