Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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