How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
