accomplished twins. life is a go
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
