Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Mom said you looked used
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
