Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
