You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
