At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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