what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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