i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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