Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
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Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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