I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
