before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she peed on how many people?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
