People with herpes should wear stickers.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
