Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
