She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
