There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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