i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
