Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
