She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
