BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
