Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
