hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
