The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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