I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
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