u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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