my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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