I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
